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Explorations of the client's experience in the counselling and psychotherapy literature largely advantage the voice of the practitioner-as-expert with the client's voice fragmented to fit the practitioner-researcher's script or standpoint. Desiring to privilege and empower the voice of the client and to inform therapeutic practice, I have taken the postmodern narrative turn and utilised innovative methodologies to story the client's experiential knowing and meaning for research. My autoethnographic inquiry spans the initial nine months of the client's third attempt in less than a year to form a working alliance with a psychotherapist. It explores the phenomenological experience of "unsafety in the presence of the other" as-lived by myself as a mature-aged adult having attachment difficulties arising from complex trauma experiences. Analysis revealed the conditions of safety, a 'safe place', a real relationship, ethical boundaries, and hope as vital to establishing a therapeutic relationship and fostering feelings of security. Exploring what unmet attachment needs "look like" in psychotherapy, the 'centrality of shame' was unexpectedly exposed; found hidden in the client's entrenched 'on guard' behaviours. Spiralling inner dynamics illustrate shame as fuelling peekaboo-style behaviours and dissociative processes which might evade the therapist as a feared source of shame. The data results implied that therapeutic practice would benefit from therapists knowing how to identify shame and attachment issues in clients who experience "unsafety in the presence of the other". Practice would also benefit from therapists reflecting on the significance of the role of attachment figure; especially regarding extended breaks and gaps in care. |
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